The Fantastical Day at Stereotype School
by Creative Mice
Summary: A 2006 Bizney Studios film about the quirky adventures of thirteen year old Edward Elric, as he suffers through daily, monotonous humiliation at Stereotype Junior High. Experience many high-velocity flashbacks to your preteen years as you see him talk about hating himself, drop dictionaries, and fall in love with a girl who can't stand up for herself. -A very random AU crackfic


The Fantastical Day at Stereotype School

(2006 Bizney PG Film)

Second story here, and just as random as the first :) Thank you very much for reading, and please review!

* * *

The monotonous gray of the pavement of Stereotype Jr. High seemed to radiate with the unbearable heat of the Texas sun, as students stumbled into the cafeteria for lunch.

Edward Elric, five feet tall and growing fast in shoe size, was looking a bit like an icy root beer, dripping with perspiration in his long sleeved sweater. After all, he had to hide his automail- or else he would face horrible rejection from people he didn't know.

Just as he began pondering human transmutation, a slightly taller kid, a bully with no credentials, waltzed over to Ed, and shoved his Biology textbook out of his hands.

"Oops, sorry. Not! You neeerrd!" The bully said, and the entire school decided to stare at them excitedly, as though they were witnessing a marriage proposal.

Edward squinted and flailed his arms in a semi-threatening manner.

"If I," Ed began, turning and taking a huff of his inhaler. "…am a neeerrd for carrying the exact same textbook you are also required to read on at least a weekly basis, then I guess you can also go call your teacher a nerd!"

The bully appeared stunned, and nervously checked over his shoulder, before whispering: "Do you think I'll get in trouble if I do?"

Edward retired to his empty table after that, ignoring the loud guffaws of the popular clique who sat at another table, gossiping about nasty things. Gosh, Ed was so jealous of their confidence. It took a lot of self respect to insult other people.

"I hate myself." Edward mumbled to himself, opening his Biology textbook and burying his face into it. Just then, his younger brother Alphonse appeared, sitting across from him, eyes shining with as much fantastical innocence as they saw.

"Hello, brother!" Alphonse chirped, "The bullies didn't try to steal my lunch today! But I guess that's only because they weren't here. Anyway, how has your day been, brother?"

"Ah, pooblagawdah," Edward grumbled. "See, I just found out that the chemical reaction of nitrogen when completely exposed to a prostate—"

Edward's words fell out of his mouth like salivation, as his eyes drifted towards the opening door of the room. Alphonse looked confused, and turned around to the door. There stood Winry Rockbell, who was gorgeous with light blonde hair and an expensive fashion sense, black skirt revealing her role-model skinny legs.

"I feel sweaty," Edward whispered, face flushing: "Who is that?"

Alphonse leaned across the table and whispered, "That's Winry Rockbell, she's a transfer student from Insert Rich Person Here private school. And don't bother, Ed. She's way out of your league."

Edward looked on sadly as a tall boy approached her. Edward's spirits dampened even more as he watched them leave, clearly by the boy's demand.

"That was her boyfriend, Andy. Rumor has it, he isn't very good to her." Alphonse explained.

"I hate myself." Edward sighed.

"Me, too." said Alphonse. "Say, I have an idea. You should spy on her until she says what she likes in a boy!"

Edward bolted up straight in excitement, and grinned. "That's a great idea!"

So, after school, Edward stealthily followed Winry and her boyfriend to a park down the road.

When the two of them settled on a swing set, Ed crouched behind a slide.

The boyfriend began saying abusive things to her, and tuned out everything she said. The only word's Ed made out that he was shouting were, _"Mama go latte hub!"_ Whatever Andy actually had said, though, didn't have much more meaning than that.

"I can't stand up for myself because of a reason," Winry said to herself, staring at her hands, "but I actually very much like a boy who can spell!"

Edward's eyes widened, and his mind lit up like a lamp.  
"I can spell Hippopotamus!" He thought.

For weeks upon weeks Edward studying spelling, reading everything from dictionaries, to the back of macaroni and cheese boxes. He trained hard for the yearly spelling bee. This would be his one chance to catch Winry's eye—assuming she would attend it.

Edward walked down the noisy school hall after Science class, passing a large group of fake nerds who cheered excitedly about video games that they had never played.

Crash!

His books toppled to the floor after a huge impact with a person: a beautiful person.

"Oh, uh, sorry! I wasn't looking where I was walking!" Winry said, crouching to the floor alongside Ed to pile up the dictionaries.

"No, that was me! I wasn't walking where I was looking!" Edward said, trying and failing to stop himself from blushing in her presence.

"You have so many dictionaries!" She said, after they had both stood up. She seemed genuinely impressed.

Edward chuckled, scratching his head bashfully. "Yeah, I do, but I only have one—um…"

He made a very sudden and awkward retreat. Winry forced herself not to stand there any longer, trying to clear Ed from her mind: "He was so cute," she thought. "But I shall never let me pass!"

She scuttled five feet and then tripped, because she was blond. Logic.

The next week, it was the day of the spelling bee, and kids were shoved on stage and humiliated by the teachers for no reason.

When Ed found himself standing onstage, his heart raced. Ed's English teacher picked up her pen of doom, prepared to sketch down every flaw that she saw.

"Can you spell Beetle?" She asked, squinting.

Edward was disappointed, having been able to spell "beetle" since he was five. However, all the easier for him to do the most important thing: Winry.

"B, e, e, t, l, e, s." Edward recited.

"That's Beatles!" A jock screamed from the audience, "He mentioned the Beatles!"

All the other sports kids shrieked in terror.

"Can you spell Picturesque?" the teacher asked.

"Nope," Ed replied.

"Hey, neither can I!" She laughed.

Just as she was about to say the final word, a tall black-haired man swung open the auditorium doors, frightening half of the room.

"Calm down, it's just my dad, Roy," a mortified-sounding student said loudly. The audience shared a collective, "oh", and calmed down.

"Can you spell…" Roy began in a dramatic bass voice, "Sexy in a miniskirt?"

Edward smirked. This was his chance.

"Of course I can, " He said, then meeting eyes with Winry in the audience, "because I know what sexy in a miniskirt looks like."

Winry looked somethingized, and the whole crowd began to cheer, throwing confetti in the air as though they had a good reason to.

"Wait! What the heck is going on here?" a voice growled, as loud footsteps stomped in Winry's direction. Ed realized, with fear, that it was Andy.

Andy raised his hand above her swiftly.

"No!" Ed shouted, jumping off the stage and sprinting towards them, only hoping he could get there in time.

"Hey!" Another girl, who had been sitting near Winry, yelled as she shoved Andy, "Who do you think you are?"

Multiple other kids joined in, all yelling at him in defense of Winry. They managed to push him out of the row where she was seated, as Edward made his way to her side.

"Well, I'd like to hear what Winry has to say about all this!" Andy suddenly shouted, face red with anger. The crowd silenced, and slowly turned to hear her response.

Edward was disgusted by their display of interest, as was Winry.

"I don't really want to give any of them what they want," Winry whispered to Ed. "Let's just go."

Hand in hand, Edward and Winry escaped the auditorium, ignoring the confused noises of the kids.

"I don't know how or why I got involved with Andy, within one week of going here." Winry sighed. "I'm only fourteen. Yet, everyone seems to expect me to have a boyfriend."

Edward chuckled, but it lacked humor. "Welcome to Stereotype Jr. High," he said.

She allowed herself a smile. "_Thanks._" She replied sarcastically. "Well, I'm glad that it's over, now. I know I should have stood up for myself earlier. But... he made me think that I deserved to be treated that way."

"Believe me, Winry, you don't. Nobody does."

They were silent for a while. After a minute, Winry gasped with realization.

"Crap," she says, "I forgot this is a movie. We have to kiss, now."

"Well… Isn't there any way around it? N-Not that don't… But considering the circumstances, I think it's a bit backwards." he said.

"Let's just be quiet for a minute, and they'll think we kissed."

...

...

...

_"this is the most awkward thing that has ever happened."_

_"ahem, yes."_

...

...

...

"They kissed! Yay!" Roy cheered, stepping out from behind a tree, clapping excitedly. "Ready, Al?"

Suddenly, Alphonse revealed himself, clad in a white jumpsuit and shades and carrying a boombox.

"We've got one more great thing!" he shouted.

A sick beat started up, and he jumped from foot to foot to double the time of the music.

**"Are you ready for the Alphonse rap, ladies and gentlemen!"** Alphonse yelled.

Winry and Ed shared a smile and a shake of the head, as Roy cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "We're ready for the Alphonse rap!"

Alphonse did a spin, like Michael Jackson, before striking a pose and beginning to rap. However, I will save you the misery of reading that rap.

The End


End file.
